In case yall don't know who Jefferson Bethke is, he is the extremely talented young man who did the religion vs. Jesus video. Very awesome video, very awesome message. If you haven't seen it, you should look it up on youtube! Very cool! Anyway, after watching a few of his videos, I decided that I would look him up on Facebook and "like" him. The above quote in my title today, he posted it a few weeks ago. When I read it, I immediately showed my husband. I seriously think that it is a perfect quote, and I can totally agree with it!! People must have really jumped his case, because the next day he posted this: "In regards to my tweet earlier today about divorce and falling out of love: I wasn't addressing divorces that have biblical merit (abuse, adultery, etc), I was addressing the notion that some people have where it is ok to leave once you "fall out of love." Love is fueled by the promise of marriage, not the other way around. We don't leave our kids when in those seasons where we are angered/upset with them, and so it should be with our spouse.. ."
If you couldn't tell already, my blog tonight is going to be about marriage, and divorce. Not sure why, but the topic(s) have been weighing on my mind a lot lately. No, not because I want a divorce. My husband and I are doing just great! Also, I realize that some people may not agree with everything I have to say, some of you may agree with all of it. I'm really not trying to be a bitch, I am just putting it out there what my beliefs, and thoughts are on marriage and divorce. I don't expect everyone to be on the same page as me. So, now that that's out there, I shall begin...
Now, my husband and I have had the discussion about what we would do if we were to get a divorce. How we would act with each other, what we would split, if we had kids, how we would handle custody, etc. Some may think that's weird to do. We had this discussion before we even got married even. But MOST couples don't think that divorce will happen to them. They never think about it. I think that by us talking about it, maybe we might have possibly given our relationship good ju ju... LOL I know that really sounds weird, but I really do feel like because we have discussed it, that we'll be less likely to actually get a divorce.
In my opinion, I feel like there are very few reasons for a married couple to actually get a divorce. Very few. Abuse, is one, and if you have tried to repair the relationship, and it's still not working, that's another. Also, if your spouse is molesting someone (kids or adults), or any other sexual crime, I think that is also grounds for divorce. I know people are probably thinking, well what about if one person cheats, or what if one person is an alcoholic or is a drug addict. Nope. I do not think that those are grounds for a divorce. I think those are things that can be worked on with the help of either counseling, and or rehab for the alcohol or drug abuse. I feel like when I said, "for better or worse... in sickness and in health," I 100% meant it. And if he cheats, that's for worse. It's something we can and would need to work on. Alcoholism and drug abuse is also for worse, it's also "in sickness" because I do believe those are illnesses. Addiction is an illness. Also, things that can and need to be worked on. And as far as "falling out of love" with someone, I feel like that can also be worked on. Why did you fall in love in the first place? Take some time, even if it's just a weekend, and even if you do a "stay-cation" to just spend time with just the 2 of you. Romance each other. Work on it. Of course both parties have to be willing to work on it, but I think through counseling, both parties can become ready and willing to work on the relationship.
I have someone in my family who divorced her husband several several years ago because of drug abuse. Like I already stated, I feel like they could have worked through it. Her husband had been in a war, and that was his way of dealing with it. He needed counseling and rehab. In those "for worse" moments, that's when he needed her love the most. And instead they went straight for divorce without even trying to work on things. However, this same person, is now married to a man who has been accused, several times, of molesting young women and children even. Yet this woman will NOT leave him. Now this is one I don;t understand. I can see if he was accused once, maybe forgiving him and moving on. But multiple times... I would have to say, I love you, I really do, but I just cannot be associated with a person like that. Of course, this is just me again. Everyone has different feelings and reasoning. But this is just how I feel.
I also think that it's crazy that people get married just because they are having a child together. That does not mean you should get married. I think people should get married because they love each other, and because they can't see their lives without one another. Another thing that I will never understand, is why people get married so quickly... I knew I wanted to marry my husband 2 years into our relationship. However, we both knew we weren't ready at that time. Why people get married after only 6 months or a year even, I will never understand. I know it's totally possible for their relationship to work out, I've seen it. However, more times than not, those relationships end in divorce.
Another thing I will never understand, why people get a divorce after only 6 months of marriage. Okay, this one comes from teen mom. (I'm a little ashamed I even watch it... LOL) But one of the couples had gotten married, then 6 months in got a divorce because the girl cheated on her (then fiance) a week before their wedding. He didn't find out until they were already married. Again, I think that a marriage should be worked on before just automatically going to divorce. It's become far far too easy to get a divorce these days. And I might be one of the only younger folks that don't exactly agree with it. I don't completely disagree with it, but I disagree with it if you have NOT tried everything in your power to save the relationship.
Again, I'm sure some people are going to think I am a complete bitch for this blog tonight. But this is absolutely, 100% how I feel about divorce and marriage. I don't bash people who do end up getting a divorce without trying. I have plenty of family and friends who got divorces without trying to mend the relationship. And I support them through it. However, it's not for me.
