Ahhh music. I can always find a lyric to go along with how I'm feeling. Today SheDaisy really hits it right on with the above lyric.
I've been cooped up at home most of the weekend, sick, and trying to sleep it off. All the while thinking about how funny life really is. (And doing homework of course). By the way, today's no different. I went to my math class this morning to take a test, then left and didn't even bother going to my English class today. I'm feeling better today than I have all weekend, but I start my job tomorrow, and want to be feeling at least 80% better. I'll even take 70%.
Life. Oh boy. A lot can be said about life. It's funny how everything works out how it's supposed to. Not always as we planned, but the way it's meant to. My life plan, when I was 17/18 was to be married by 23 years old, then have my first kid at 25, and a second one at 28. Funny, now that I will be 25 this year, I cannot imagine having a kid within the next year and a half or so. And I was going to be living in California making it big in the movie/music industry. Haha!! See how that one worked out!! At 19 I did move to CA with my then best friend, and may as well have been boyfriend. I was married at 23, a 2 weeks later I turned 24. Now, only about 6 months til 25, I am living in TX, and thankfully, childless. Don't get me wrong, children are great, and I do want some, eventually. But right now, in my new life plan, children just don't fit in anytime soon.
Funny that when I was 17 I was dating a guy that I thought I could see myself marrying. However, come to find out, it wasn't love. Or maybe it was, it just wasn't meant for us to work out because life had other plans. Maybe life knew that I could do bigger and better things. Even at 18 I dated a new guy that I REALLY thought I was in love with. Again, life had other plans. And again, I think life knew I could do bigger and better things. It is just funny to think about the what ifs in ALL life situations. Not that I wish I was 17 and dating that guy again, but it's interesting to think, "what if I would have stayed with him?" I would have had to wait 2 years until he was out of high school. I probably would have ended up staying in my home town. I would probably be perfectly content working at a minimum wage job forever. Even the guy I was with when I was 19... What if... Well, I probably would have ended up pregnant at 20. I probably would have been completely content partying every weekend. I would have been content missing work to sleep in with him. I would have been okay that he was on drugs. And again, I probably would have been alright with a minimum wage job forever.
Instead, I found love in my best friend. We really did start out as good friends. I was even dating someone else when Brad came along. I wanted nothing to do with Brad at first. I couldn't even stand him, I thought he was way too childish to be in his mid-late 20s. At one point I started dating Brad, AND another guy. Both guys knew we weren't exclusive. I wasn't sleeping with either one either. I at one point told Brad I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to just be friends and nothing more. Strangely, not long after that, we were dating again. He even told me that had I told him again that I only wanted to be friends we wouldn't have ever been together again as dating or as a couple. I'm glad that I chose to continue seeing him. We moved to CA a year later. Best choice I ever made. Still, funny how life shook my plans up.
Heck, even as far as jobs/work goes, life generally has its own plans! I thought I could be just fine, in CA, working either minimum wage, or I was gonna be a bartender. Never did the bartending thing, even though still, I think it would be fun. But 2 years into a minimum wage retail job I realized I needed more. I was no longer okay with living paycheck to paycheck. I know some people do, and they're okay with it, but it wasn't for me anymore. I decided to go to school for vocational nursing. I originally decided on that because it would be more money. However, once I got into a program and started the clinicals (hands on learning) I fell in love with the career I chose and decided to go for my rn. Who knew life was going to lead me in that direction? I never would've guessed!
Even with friends and family... Life is just interesting how it plays out. I had a good friend in high school that eventually screwed me over not long after we graduated. I'm not one to forgive and forget. At least not easily. Screw me once, I will NOT give you a second chance often. I know that can be totally unfair, but it's more of when a person screws me over BIG TIME. Not just, oh hey, you canceled plans on me... No. I'm a bitch, but I'm not that big of a bitch. I won't say what this friend of mine did, but it was pretty effed up. It wasn't until after I moved to California, and until after her younger sister passed away of cancer, that we started talking again. I don't really know why life decided that we needed to be in each others lives again, but that's that. I may never know why. But, I at one point had no intention of becoming friends with her again. But, as life would have it, life decided we needed to be in each others lives. We talk almost daily now.
Another instance with friends. I had another friend in high school. We were friends, but not best friends. Then, she hooked up with a guy I really really liked at the time. Hello.... Girl code!! You just don't do that. I ended up forgiving her pretty easily. Not real sure why, but I did. Then after high school, we became best friends. Inseparable. We did everything together. Even when she went off to college I would go visit her a couple times a semester. It wasn't until recently, in the last year or 2, that we haven't had much contact. We would still send each other cards for b-day's and holidays, but then I sent her a bday/v-day gift, and never got a thank you, fuck you, I hated it, I loved it, NOTHING. I was pretty pissed off to say the least. Little did I know that was the start to the downfall of our friendship. There is a lot more to it than just that. Again, I'm a bitch, but I would have forgiven that. I won't go into too much detail about what else ruined our friendship, but it had a lot to do with my wedding.
Again, funny how life decides who stays in your life and who doesn't have a place anymore. I may not always know why certain people stay and why some go out of my life, but I just have to believe that they were all for a purpose. Even if I can't see the reasons or purposes just yet. I'm sure some of my relationships were there to teach me that I did/do deserve better. And I'm sure some were to teach me forgiveness, in some way. And some, I may not know just yet. Even if I never know why, I just have to know that they were all there in different parts of my life to help me get through, or to teach me something. Something.
I love making and having a plan for EVERYTHING! Brad gets aggravated sometimes because I get annoyed when plans don't follow through. But, even just typing this up I've realized, more than ever, that life doesn't care about your plans. Life doesn't care if you're ready or not ready for whatever it's going to throw at you next. Life does not care. You can have all the plans in the world, to be married to a certain person by a certain age. Or to have certain friends in your life forever. But you don't really get to pick and chose. They say that you can pick your friends. I can agree with that, but I think life has more to do with it than anything. You can decide, oh I want to be friends with that person, but if life is planning something different for you, it'll definitely show you that!!
Holy guacamole. WOAHHHH!
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